Differences in Parenting Kids Under 10 and Teenagers (aka MOTY 2013 Nomination Application)

Chat conversation between me and my sister last night:

Me:  Hey.  Howzit going? It’s not even 10 pm and I’m ready to hit the sack.

     Sister:  I’m whipped, too and it isn’t even 2pm.  How does that happen? ahahahahaha

Me:  I am fantasizing about empty nest syndrome.

     Sister:  You’d miss them like crazy.

Me:  Randa is tattling on the two youngest who are fighting in the girls’ room. Is it wrong that I am totally able to tune out body slams?

     Sister:  Don’t ask me. I can tune out damn near anything.

Me:  I just heard Samiya tell Aiman to get the eff off her stomach. *facepalm*

     Sister:  God help me when I have teens.

Me:  They’ve been at it for 20 minutes now. I’m at that “I just don’t care anymore since they don’t listen anyway” point.

     Sister:  Have you considered chores?  Maybe that cool “get along” t-shirt like they did the piece on in the HuffPo?

Me:  That would be like a cage match the likes of WWE “Hell in a Cell.”  I’m beginning to understand why Mom let you and Lloyd kick the dog snot out of each other in the back seat on that road trip to Mobile when Dad stopped to buy gas and she was fed up with trying to keep the peace after 14 hours in the car.

     Sister:  I tend to separate the combatants when it gets physical. I find with mine when I separate them and don’t let them interact, they immediately start finding ways to band together and gang up on me.  Sucks for me, but then they are getting along. Then again, they’re 9 and 7 and have their own rooms so it’s easy to separate them.

Me:  Not enough space here for that.

     Sister:  Bummer.

Me:  And only 10 more days for mid-term break to be over and I can send them back to school.

******Break in conversation for me to yell and scream and play referee**************************

Me:  I’ve lost my frickin’ mind.

     Sister:  Huh?

Me:  THIS just transpired-  Sam:  He hit me and bruised me! Aiman: She called me a jerk! Sam: I’m going to KILL you! Me: You have FIVE minutes. No weapons. Close the damn door so I don’t have to hear it and no one is allowed to cry, tattle or complain when I call time. GO!

     Sister: Are you serious?

Me:  Our mom was truly an inspiration to mothers of teens everywhere.

     Sister: Sounds like they need an outing….or an early bedtime. Hahahaha! And how do you do this without drinking?!  Wine is the best parenting tool I have.

Me:  Well, their 5 minutes are up and Sam has a black eye and her brother has a palm print across his face but I won’t let them talk about it at all to me and they aren’t allowed to fist-fight again for another 6 months. Ismail is in bed giggling his butt off. Time for me to go and DREAM about wine.

     Sister:  YIKES! Dream away.

Me:  Maybe I’ll dream about Xanax cupcakes. G’night.

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