Why You Haven’t Heard From Me Lately

HAHA! That’s pretty funny. 
Okay, it really isn’t. But I’ll explain. 

I have laryngitis. Oh, not a hoarse voice…..we’re talking NO VOICE. None. Zilch. Big fat NOTHING. Apparently, I had an ear infection that went crazy during our trip to Mobile (which was TOTALLY AWESOME!) and by the time I made it home, the infection had drained into my throat and I developed bronchitis and laryngitis. So from Monday – Wednesday I sort of just held the bed down, attempted to sleep and cough my brains up without actually allowing them to spill onto the floor. By Wednesday night, all bets were off.  

My sister told me on Thursday that I could do irreparable damage even by whispering. So I am now writing notes to kids and husband rather than whispering. I LOVE when I snap my fingers to get someone’s attention and they answer with, “What?” without even looking up. Or better still, when I mouth something simple like, “Eat?” while gesturing fork to mouth and they come back with, “I can’t hear you.” Really? What gave it away? The fact that NO WORDS CAME OUT OF MY MOUTH?

The one who is taking it the hardest is my Randa. Poor baby. She understands that I am sick but now that I am not even whispering to her, she cries and cries and says, “Please, Mommy. Talk!” and feels ignored. I wrote her a note that I my “talk box” is sick and needs to rest and be quiet. But I guess since I’m the only one who attempts to actually engage her in conversation around here other than arguing or bossing her around, she misses my melodious voice. 

Shit. I miss my melodious voice. I like my voice on most days. You know, not so much the days that I’ve been nagging kids about homework, housework or exorbitant amounts of screen time. But all in all, yeah. I have a slight Southern accent on some words, peppered with swear words and Arabic words that are easier to say in Arabic than in English. I think it’s just slightly nasal but not obnoxiously so. And I can sing pretty well, which is a good thing since this is my main source of depression therapy. 

Anyway, I guess it is a good experience for now. I’m definitely feeling the frustration that non-verbal people go through (to a far lesser degree, for certain) and it helps me to understand just a little better how Randa must deal with things on a daily basis. I have gotten so frustrated this week that I just gave up on trying to make the person understand and went to my room and took a nap. On a normal day, I would have been full of snarky remarks and shouting. But that day I couldn’t. And I couldn’t get myself to the hospital. And I couldn’t make him understand what I wanted, needed or meant. So I did what I could. Nothing. And it was a bitter pill to have to swallow. But it made me a little bit more aware of how hard it must be on people who are non-verbal. 

I have no idea how long it will take for my voice to come back. I’m kind of scared that it won’t. I’ve had laryngitis many times over the last few decad……..*ahem* ….. since turning 29, but it’s never lasted more than 4 days max. So I’m keeping my mouth shut and singing in my head instead of mouthing words….because that turns into whispered song and that’s not good right now. Also, I don’t think enough praise can be given to the idea of interpretive dance. Because what is dance but song in motion? I suddenly feel the urge to listen and interpret the B-52’s “Rock Lobster.”

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