A Letter to 2004-Me

Hey, Gorgeous.

Yeah, you. I know you are just getting your groove back now that you all have moved into your own flat in Egypt and are no longer renting. The kids are getting adjusted in school and you’ve figured out the system here and you’re making friends. You’re waiting for the other shoe to drop and you feel stupid for doubting that you actually can be happy. You’re not stupid. It will drop. But you’re not stupid and you CAN actually be happy. Just not long term…right now. It’ll happen but things are going to get a really low before they get really high.

You’re going to get nailed by someone you think you can trust in the next few years. I’m not going to spare you the hurt because you need it. You need to experience the betrayal of those you think are your friends in order to grow from it. I can’t take that away from you. No, you don’t deserve the betrayal. But you deserve the growth.

Now here’s the important secret that I’m going to let you in on: You DESERVE to be loved fully, completely, and without limitation. You have that. You don’t see it now because you are so used to being the one who loves balls-to-the-wall and getting about 15-30% of that back in return. But trust me. You DO have that. He would move mountains for you if he thought it would make you happy. You’ll see it, too, just as soon as you get your baggage out of the way.

Also, that 38 lbs you’ve lost in the last few months of hard work and eating right? You’ll keep it off for a few years but it’ll creep back on you. Just remember that you are not defined by that number. You keep working at it. You’re going to meet even greater goals. Some will be weight related but most won’t be. But those are the goals that are going to mean even more to you. Just keep giving it your best shot.

Oh, and DON’T second guess yourself about the decisions that you’re going to make financially in about 6 years. It will be a struggle, but it WILL work out in the end. I promise.

Now just keep putting one foot in front of the other, and learn to love you. You are amazing and beautiful and so much of a joy in the lives of others. Keep being you. I love you.

Me

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