Over-the-Shoulder-Boulder-Holders (AKA Modern Female Torture Devices)

There are so many different reasons that it sucks to be a girl. Don’t get me wrong. I wouldn’t have it any other way. I’m all about Girl Power and Empowerment of Women. And frankly, I’m quite grateful that I don’t have to worry about my uber-sensitive junk hanging out for all the world to kick. But between the periods, leg-shaving, periods, body-image pressure, periods, childbirth, did I mention periods? and menopause, being a girl is NOT something a man could handle.

The inequalities that we have to endure throughout our lives, including glass ceilings, sexual harassment, being dismissed to get coffee when we finally become CEO, and the monthly fertility sales tax (Oh? Did you think that sanitary napkins and tampons were tax exempt? Oh, that’s so cute,) we also have to spend outrageous amounts of money on bras if we want to keep from having to tuck the twins into our pants. A good supportive bra can run anywhere from about $20 on sale to over $95, retail. The larger the cup size, the more difficult it is to find a bra that fits properly, especially if the band size is smaller (like a 36H, for instance.)

When will American companies realize that we really need to revamp the way we size bras? Just throwing an extra D at the end isn’t really helping anyone. And could SOMEONE give us short busty girls a chance? We, too, need underwires but without the nerve damage we get due to the cup size being designed for women with longer torsos. We get stabbed in the armpits and eventually start twitching prior to losing all feeling in our arms. It’s kind of embarrassing when this happens while conferencing with the Assistant Principal at your kid’s high school.

My friend, Brittany Gibbons, wrote about this issue in much more depth and probably with more style and finesse last year on her blog, BrittanyHerself.com. Everything about the measuring instructional video makes sense. It worked to size my daughter who is a complicated person, with a 34″ band but come to find out she is in an H cup. For me, and a lot of women like me, there’s not much help in sizing the 12+ years post-nursing breasts. Some of us only tend to fill out the bottom half of the cup so we are better suited to buy demi-tasse bras only they’re hard to find except online. But unless you are able to find the perfect fitting brand and model and try it on, you end up shelling out a bunch of money that you can’t get back because of return postage fees. It sucks. For now I continue to buy ill-fitting yet affordable bras at discount and department stores during sales events hoping that one day, that lady in France who custom-makes bras to the stars has a sudden burst of compassion for us broke chicks and starts making off-the-rack bras that might more closely fit both our chests and our wallets. Until then, I’m heading to the mall with my gift card and hope for a back-to-school sale.

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