There are days when I’m feeling down and put-upon and ill and angry and mixed-up and just yuk. And sometimes those are the days that I will reach for food and eat my feelings until I really hate myself for doing it because I know that this doesn’t fill up that hole that was in my heart in the first place. It just fills up my stomach….and my arteries (because I’ve yet to meet someone who grabs carrot sticks as a comfort food)….and my pants size to the point of tearing. The hole in my heart just gets bigger.
There are other days that instead of grabbing for mashed potatoes or leftover macaroni and cheese or cold red lentil soup (don’t judge. It’s amazing,) I’ll instead grab for a laptop and pound out my feelings and unleash them on the world. and that makes me feel better. I always try to be as generic as possible when describing the situations but sometimes I fail big time at that and I end up hurting feelings and cause them to feel as I did when I first grabbed that keyboard instead of chips and salsa. And then when I know that I’ve hurt someone back that’s hurt me, I don’t feel “even” or better or vindicated. I feel that hole in my heart get bigger than it would have if I’d made brownies.
So, for my friends and family that I’ve hurt through my blog posts in an effort to work through my own frustrations and issues, I’m so very sorry. I never wanted to hurt you. It was not intentional, just inconsiderate. I’m sorry.