Definition of Teenager

As a frazzled mother of five kids under the age of 7, everyone I knew who had kids older than mine would tell me how it gets easier when they’re older. One of the side effects of Prozac, apparently, is selective memory. Those women are a giant pile of fucking liars.

The TRUTH is this:  Teenagers are nothing more than toddlers who can wipe their own asses. Everything else is exactly the same.

Symptom:                 Toddler                         Teenager

WHINING?                Yes                                Yes

TANTRUMS?             Yes                                Yes

DRAMA?                    Yes                                 Yes

NEED HELP 24/7?   Yes                                  Yes

WIPES OWN BUTT? No                                   Yes

That pretty much sums it up. I should know. I have had 5 toddlers. I now have 5 teenagers. My house is full of 3 non-thinking, testosterone-oozing, shouting, smelly, man-boys, 2 non-thinking, overly dramatic, menstruating, shouting, not-as-smelly woman-girls, and I’m perimenopausal.

My poor husband doesn’t stand a chance.

 

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